Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Are You Happy?
If I asked myself that question, the answer would be a most definite YES! The reason for this is that I have found that I can control my happiness. I have also discovered that I control my unhappiness. My best reason to be happy is that happiness gives me everything I want from life. It is what I always wanted. So, let me ask you the question: Are You Happy?
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I'd like to respond to the "Are You Happy?" question with my experience. For me, once I became secure "living in" my own deep, inner happiness, I realized that I have total choice. That is, knowing that I can count on my happiness being there for me, regardless of any circumstances, then I can play with it. I can choose to take a trip to the darkside, or to unhappiness if I want, knowing that at any time, I can choose to leave unhappiness and go right back to happiness. What freedom! What fun! It's like deciding to go to a scary movie just for the thrills but still know that I can leave whenever I wish.
So, for me, having deep inner happiness gives me the freedom to actually play with my emotions and, especially, not to have to fear negative emotions because I know that I won't get stuck in them.
Bob Nozik, MD
Dear Dr. Bob,
So you are a happy person who has realized that you have total choice. I think you are definably a happy person because you understand the mechanism of choice. In fact it could be said, that unhappy people, are unhappy because they don't think they have a choice. They think something has made them unhappy and their is nothing they can do about it.
What a liberating feeling to be happy. As you and I are saying :WHAT FREEDOM!" It is beautiful and one of the most powerful things imaginable.
Sharing Love, Peace and Happiness with you,
Lionel Ketchian
www.happinessclub.com
Dear Dr. Bob,
This is fun! I think your thought about: "...why is unhappiness so much the rule? I think that at least part of the answer is self-talk. One's self-talk determines attitude." Boy! Are you right about that. In fact Bruce Di Marsico, the author of The Option Method basically said exactly that.
Bruce knew that happiness could only be experienced right now, in this very moment.
One of two basic questions Bruce might ask you is: "If you believed now, that at this time tomorrow, you were going to be unhappy, what would you feel now?" Think about it and see how you feel about the fact that you will be unhappy at this time tomorrow. You feel unhappy right now, don't you? You see, as soon as you entertain the thought of being unhappy, you become unhappy.
Now Bruce's next question would be: "If you believed now, that at this time tomorrow you were going to be very happy, what would you feel now?" The same situation applies to this question as well. If you believe you will be happy this time tomorrow, than you will feel happy right now. The actual mechanism at work is your beliefs.
Bruce M. Di Marsico said: "Merely believing that something can cause unhappiness makes you feel it can and will cause unhappiness. Merely believing something is making you unhappy makes you feel as if something has made you unhappy. The feeling that something makes you unhappy doesn't mean that it actually does make you unhappy. You believe it can, so it does. In fact, you don't ever actually need to be made unhappy to feel that you are. You only need to believe you are being made to be unhappy."
I have Bruce's book on my 20 best list on the Happinessclub.com web site along with your book Happy 4 Life: Here’s How to Do It, by Bob Nozik, M.D.
One of the thoughts expressed by Bruce was: "All unhappy people believe it is necessary to be unhappy." I would add that if a person thinks it is necessary to be unhappy than it logically follows that you will experience unhappiness.
Dear Dr. Bob,
No, I don't think you conversation on happiness and the present is taking us away from beliefs. Because at the heart of most people's desire for happiness is the hope for happiness in the future. You know the popular sayings, "I'll be happy when...I am older, graduate school, have enough money, get a good job, find a good relationship, have enough money, buy a house, have children, get a divorce, have enough money, the children leave home, have enough money so I can retire and finally be happy. Now if that is not a belief in some future time with the hope of happiness, I don't know what is. That kind of happiness hoping will never work. That is simply because happiness can only happen in the present.
Too many people are really caught in the past and spend too much time there. No matter how bad it was, thinking about it will not get you anywhere but unhappy. Even it was good, thinking about it will not make you happy either because it is over and done. It is not real anymore and will not give you the feeling that being connected to the moment can bring you. The future is also a problem because when you keep thinking about the future you create a great deal of fear in your thinking.
The real benefit of being in the present is that is where happiness exists within you. If you can't slow done enough to enjoy the present moment, you will rush past all hope of happiness and peace. Not only is the present moment the best, it is the only thing that exists.
you might like this link then.....
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=email_us&refer=columnist_lynn&sid=anJY91p9Jh4Q#
happy reading :-)
Thanks for the link to the article about: Money Doesn't Buy Happiness -- But Nothing Does, by Matthew Lynn
To take one quote from the article: "Economists have been paying more attention to happiness for a good reason. They have noticed that the world keeps getting richer. Yet, it doesn't appear to be getting much happier."
This is an interesting thought and one that I have felt is true. I am glad other people are starting to see it as well.
I love the famous koan of the monk who, when faced with danger above and danger below, simply choose to pluck the strawberry, eat it and respond with: "what a delicious strawberry." I have read that koan many years ago for the first time. I did not understand it at all then. After a great many years, I saw the profound, yet simple truth. This it the present moment, we must accept it, once we learn to accept it. Then, in that acceptance of the present moment can be the enjoyment as well that can only come from acceptance. We become powerful in our acceptance of what is the present moment and immensely happy by accepting the present moment, what ever it is, and even enjoying it.
Here's another link to Richard Layard at the Brookings Institution with a PDF event transcript provided: http://www.brookings.edu/comm/events/20050209happiness.htm
Perhaps Science and Spirituality will finally find a better meeting ground than the standard
Psychological and Pharmalogical approach that has failed so many.
Happiness is an individual's quest and an answer for one may not fit another...that is why we all have such different personalities. We may share similar experiences with others, but no two people will have the same combination of those experiences.
So happiness is the freedom and ability to be you...and only you.
I have a blog and forum that I created to discuss true happiness. I invite you all to take a look and add your comments. I try to focus on the basics and the tools to achieve happiness.
www.inspiredtoreality.com
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